Yoofos Over Moo Country

Stephenville, Texas, a town of about 15,000 residents — including, irrelevantly, singer-songwriter Jewel — has recently made international headlines for its extraordinary UFO sighting.

Dozens of witnesses have come forward, claiming to have seen intensely bright lights hovering over town the evening of Tuesday the 8th. The general consensus among locals is that the lights remained for about 5 minutes before tearing off at a phenomenal speed.

Several witnesses claim the lights were followed by two fighter jets, although, predictably, the region's military bases report that none of their planes were in the area at the time.

Witnesses describe the object as having multiple lights and flying very low to the ground. Some have compared the descriptions to that of the infamous Phoenix Lights (Weird Arizona, p.66) that made headlines in 1997.

Veteran pilot Steve Allen spotted it over the nearby town of Selden and described it as "bigger than a Wal-Mart," although we're left to wonder if he was referring to a regular or a Super.

Until now, Stephenville has been known only for Moola, the Cow on a Stick, but residents have quickly begun taking advantage of their town's newfound association with extraterrestrials. Entrepreneurs have begun printing T-shirts, the city secretary has taken to wearing an alien mask and at least one business owner has set up a spacecraft outside his establishment. A car dealership has even launched a UFO-trade-in promotion.

If they play this right, Stephenville could become the next Roswell.

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