When I started running a saved search over at eBay for a Fun Fountain, I never expected to see one pop up every 2 weeks or so. I'm surprised so many of these guys survived the '80s. If you don't remember what a Fun Fountain is, that's no surprise given the sadly generic name. Remember the sprinkler toy shaped like a clown's head that would shoot a stream of water into the air, levitating the clown's hat until you ran through it, thereby giving yourself an enema and often knocking the hat off-balance so it would fall eight feet and konk you in the head? There you go ... the Fun Fountain!

Unfortunately, people with more money than I can spend on nostalgia are running the bids up a little too high for these things. So I keep having to let them go.

I've also been running a search for a Water Wiggle, but these haven't come up nearly as often. In fact, today is the first time I received a notice that one of these was up for bid. It's just too bad I've been searching for the wrong thing this whole time. Apparently, the Water Wiggle was something that danced around at the end of a hose. Not at all what I was looking for. (How did I know the name without ever having seen one before?)

What I was really looking for, as it turns out, is a Willy Water Bug. (Or "Willie," depending on who you believe.) He's the guy with the Medusa-like hair made of little orange plastic hoses that spray water in your face and whip you in the leg as you pretend to have fun. Alas, it appears not as many of these made it out alive as did their clown brethren. I can't even find a single picture of one on the Internet. Actually, I have yet to find any solid evidence that they ever existed at all. Just a few other lost souls hoping to come across one, same as me.

If you've got one of these stashed away somewhere, or if you've got a photo of yourself being injured by one 20 years ago, please confirm for me this isn't part of some collective mental fabrication!